I am at peace with death. This sounds like a weird opening to my blog, but it's the truth. Tomorrow is December 21st, 2012 and the whole "world-ending" thing will finally be revealed to be true or false. Like I said, I'm at peace with whatever happens. If we die, okay. If we don't, okay.
Right now, my life is in a transition from depression #5 million to happiness again. I've been through so much in my life and whenever I'm happy, something usually happens to bring me down again. It's gotten to the point where I'm used to being in a depression and I know how things are going to go down by heart. I know what I need to do to escape my negative thoughts, but it gets harder and harder to come out of my depression.
Sometimes, I wonder if it would be better off had I never been born. I'm not saying that I'd be better off dead, since I don't think I'd ever attempt suicide again, however, had I never been born, maybe people wouldn't have to deal with my shit and wouldn't have to put up with me. Basically, my depressions always come from love problems. I keep trying, but clearly Kap's not the place for me. Now that I've tried them all (LOL).
I now always have itty-bitty crushes on cute guys. This one was different. They usually run away, but this guy was nice... too nice. Well my crush kinda grew. He's straight so I know that nothing would ever happen. I'm not stupid. I'm just desperate LOL. Well, he's moving away soon and I'm basically losing the one guy friend I've had who didn't run away or made fun of me for being gay. So I'm really sad that he's leaving. That's basically what made me fall back into depression this time.
The more I think about it, the more at peace I am with death. Well that's it for this rant. Don't know when my next blog will be posted, but keep looking as I am quite emotional as of late.
Love,
Eric
